Kountry Wayne’s long-running internet soap opera just brought the heat in the latest episode: Shayla (Ishayla Vaxter) is finally experiencing a come-up for her foul behavior toward Amber (Amber Tai Hemphill).

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The comments sections on TikTok and YouTube are lit up with Shayla, even though Anthony (Anthony O. Dalton) is just as foul for stepping out. The drama is all fun, but it’s also a reminder of an inconvenient truth about Black folks: A man can say “my bad,” but a woman has to come and stay outside a little while longer…or forever.

My spirit was irritated to see just how many were dragging Shayla out. There’s no question what she did was terrible , but the same ones shining a light on her bad deeds were in the next sentence excusing Anthony’s. And we’ve been here before: Remember when Sherri Shepherd popped off at Megan Thee Stallion for dressing how she wants to, only to turn around and hold Jonathan Majors’ hand through a therapy session on a talk show?

A “Free Diddy” movement has sprung up as Sean Combs is on trial for some of the most heinous allegations. Casandra “Cassie” Ventura’s testimony has been mocked, dismissed, and used against her because she didn’t leave when the abuse started. “Why did she stay?” “Why did she do this and that?” She wasn’t the perfect victim, and neither are the other women accusing Diddy.

If we saw a Black man get beat up by a white man on a hotel video, Black folks wouldn’t ask any questions about how he “put” himself there.

We can even throw it back to Jada Pinkett Smith, whom a lot of people still can’t stand to this day. Everyone knows the reasons why folks don’t care for her — from the entanglement, endless Tupac talk, and open resentment of Will Smith. But Will has admitted to his dirt. They may be in a bad marriage for life but people are still holding on tight to their anger for her while absolving Will.

There are many more examples of women who should have known better and Done better, but they’re not given the room to move past. None of their missteps rises to the level of abuse, committing crimes, and taking people’s consent away. And yet, the smoke feels more intense because they’re deemed problematic.

They’re Shaylas who need to earn the multiple chances y’all so freely give to others.

This isn’t to excuse any wrongs, fictional or otherwise. There’s enough of that going around, but maybe spread that grace around.